Everyone is looking for love. It’s just a natural innate desire within us that can sometimes make us lose our minds… I know far too many women who have chosen to settle for less than they deserve for the sake of not being alone.
Or, women who pushed through their toxic relationships only to have their hearts shattered in the end; leaving them to wonder why their sacrificial love wasn’t enough. Many of these women often ask me questions like “Why did God let that happen?”
Often this is followed by some lamenting that they didn’t see it coming. This is where tough love kicks in, because sweetheart, yes you did see it coming. You simply chose to ignore what you saw.
But that’s okay, we live and we learn, right? Every heartache or “failure” is an opportunity to learn and grow so we are able to protect our hearts for the next time…without cutting off the entire male population.
Below is a list that will help you tell him, You’re NOT The One Baby!! A consistent demonstration of these red flags should make you stop dead in your tracks and kick this guy to the curb!
1. He is dishonest.
Now I don’t mean he’s dishonest in that he tells you you look great in a pair of shorts you both know aren’t flattering.
I mean he lies all the time, about big or small things, and you’re always catching him somewhere he shouldn’t be.
My mom always told me if someone can look you in the eyes and lie to you, they will do anything to you.
We’ve all told a fib here and there, but blatantly lying with no remorse is a real sign this person lacks a necessary component for building a lasting relationship.
2. He genuinely does not care about things that matter to you.
Don’t get me wrong; he is probably never going to see the importance of 15 decorative pillows or, in my case, understand how you could possibly need 15 blushes. That is normal.
What is not okay is a blatant disregard for things you hold dear. Whether it be your morals or aspirations, he should care to at least know what they are.
He has to care about what you care about, and if he truly cares about you, it will be easy for him.
3. The people who matter most to you do not feel he is best for you.
This one is tough. I realize your friends and family may not always recognize what is right for you. However, people who care about you only want what is best.
If they detest your partner, there is probably a real reason for it.
4. He sucks the life out of you.
Think back to before you met. Did you have goals and aspirations you’ve let go because of the relationship?
Have you repeatedly given up and sacrificed things you used to hold close?
At some point in all relationships, we make sacrifices and sometimes our dreams change, but if he does not support and encourage you to live the life you’ve dreamed of, it is time to let go and live that life!
5. He breaks you down instead of building you up.
Being in an emotionally-abusive relationship is a pain you do not have to endure.
True love makes you into the best possible version of yourself, or at least gives you the confidence to try to become that person.
If he makes you feel less than worthy of the absolute best kind of love, please run in the opposite direction. Do not give anyone the power to break your spirit.
6. You find yourself constantly defending him.
“Well, he seems really sorry this time. He swore this was the last time. He didn’t mean to hurt me, etc.”
Does this sound like a constant loop playing in your mind? If so, a red flag is waving high and with vigor.
7. Things are only good with him after they are bad.
You should never have to argue to feel affection after an apology. You should not only receive flowers if he cheats on you.
You should not only feel loved after you have felt betrayed or belittled. Love isn’t always perfect.
Everyone makes mistakes, even Mr. Right, but this constant roller coaster of a relationship will never lead to anything healthy.
8. You know, deep down in your gut, he isn’t Mr. Right.
If there’s anything I’ve learned in my life, it is to trust my gut. This intuition you’ve been given is such a gift.
While letting go may be heartbreaking, and even a little scary… staying with someone and losing yourself is the most heartbreaking of all. You can’t receive the good things you deserve if your hands and closed tightly. You are worth so much more! Now receive it!